Found The Witcher Enhanced Edition for £6, and after about 5 - 8 hours of playing, found a character that, when prompted, says the line; “Do I look like a whore? Then why you tryin’ to fuck me?”. OH GOD THIS IS FANTASTIC.
DWARFS! Loud, drunk unruly bunch, with lots of pride and honor and mighty beards. The great dwarven city of Orzemmar is where I’ve been spending today. On arrival we find out that the city is in a state of near civil war, as the King is dead, and no one can decide on the successor, hence the shitstorm. I personally couldn’t give a fuck who’s ruling them, but I needed soldiers to fight the blight so I get roped into doing various tasks around the city to show support to whoever. One of them is a young douche, the other an old prick. I picked the prick because… well, his task giver was closer to me than the young one. I do 2 fairly easy tasks and am then told to go find some missing bitch in what they call the Deep Roads. Fantastic. And I get to bring her irritating husband along with me as well? THANKS!
This army building thing is starting to take the piss.
Well shiver my timbers and park my car, this game got DARK. My travels for more help to take down the Blight led me to a town called Redcliff and its Arl. Upon arrival we find (not to anyones suprise) things have gone spectacularly tits up. Turns out that the undead are pouring out from the Arls castle like a tap and have been killing the villagers. So after all the fighting in the village and the battling through the castle we find what the fudge has been going on after all. Turns out the Arls son is a mage, and has gone… wrong (read possessed by a demon). So I am given a choice: use my mages to go into the Fade and kill the demon in a dream world or kill the child. Sorry, WHAT?! KILL A CHILD?! THE FUCK?! Naturally I try and sort this out without being a child-murderer and progress the line of questioning of the mage ritual. Turns out that the key to this ritual was a blood mage (read evil mage) that I killed right at the beginning of the castle level. Well fuck son, looks like I’m getting blood on my hands.
After one boss fight with a possessed child, he is lying unconscious at my feet and his mother runs in defending him, I look at the speech options and realise that the only one to progress is “knock her unconcious and kill the child”.
Oh god I’m going to hell.
So I was thinking of starting some sort of game log of my replay of this game. I’ll update whenever I play and write personal thoughts about the game.
I have started the game as a Dalish Elf Rogue. This is a 1st for me, normally I go into battle swinging dicks and screaming battlecrys and racking up kill counts but this time I’m going to give being a support character a go.
I’m about 2 hours into the game already, and I’ve only racked up 5 kills while my party (as a whole) has 31. THE FUCK?! is this how its going to be? standing at the back, firing arrows and having some knob with a sword steal my kill? FUCK THAT! I’m going to fucking OWN being an archer!
Ok, so exams are over. 2nd year of University is over and done with. Now what? A boring as hell summer to look forward to in which all I do is sit about, not see my uni mates, go to the gym out of boredom and don’t get trashed every other day. Fantastic. OR. I can sit and play the latest releases, like Deus Ex:Human Revolution and Crysis 2 while revisiting old favorites such as Deus Ex, Far Cry (1+2) Batman: Arkham Asylum and many others.
Its all just a matter of perspective.
IL2 - Sturmovick is that kind of game where you can make it as easy as possible, and still be challenged to a near impossible degree. A game set in WWII where you play as the air forces of, well, most European nations (and the Americans) and It’s not like Tom Clancy’s Hawx or say, any other action orientated flight game, this is a proper Simulation game thats rewards are… well being able to take off, fly in a straight line without deviating from the set course and finally landing without ending up without wings, dead or dead without wings… or an engine.
Its one of those games that is definitely
fun rewarding but only if you genuinely put the effort in. Learning to take off properly without some horrific cross wind to reduce me into a pile of smoldering fear took me a fair while, So by the time I was actually flying and in a straight line and everything I thought: “YES! I AM A WWII FLYING JESUS!”, and then suddenly, some fucking Luftwaffe psychic fucking ace ultra pilot shoots the fuel tank and the entire screen fills with black smoke and I plummet to my fucking terrifying death. The game is definitely fun rewarding, but only after some serious attention paying, which I accept not everyone wants to do when they’re playing that’s supposed to be rewarding fun.
Fuck me, it started with re-playing some Deus Ex but christ it feels like 2003 on my computer! Deus Ex, Far Cry, Black and White? These were the games that I played to avoid real human contact at secondary school and they’re still goddam brilliant! I covered Deus Ex in my ‘Comedy of Errors’ post so I’ll move straight onto Far Cry.
The beauty of Far Cry was one of the main attractions really, too many games are taking place in grey or brown urban metropolises that have been bombed, or attacked or attacked with bombs or something equally forgettable but this game actually puts you in a tropical paradise! Imagine that; a brutally violent FPS taking place somewhere I’d like to be. Kind of a weird feeling really I suppose, shooting a man in the head, then noticing where he fell is a great spot for a barbecue. Unfortunately like all wonderful things there’s a massive hitch and that is about a quarter of the way through these… mutant… things are introduced called Trigens and kind of ruin the party atmosphere. It’s suddenly a lot less about the white sandy beaches and a hell of a lot more about the horrific blood soaked monsters trying to kill you. Also the game forces you underground into bunkers, which is a bit irritating; kind of like being stuck indoors doing work while its a gorgeous day outside and all the kids are playing with BB guns.
Black and White on the other hand is a one-off, a game type that (to my knowledge) hasn’t been attempted by another designs team (either for fear of being called copy cats or because no one else has the bollocks to try and make a game where you play God). That’s right, an all powerful, (nearly) omnipresent God.
I’m guessing what Lionhead Studios thought what would happen is that people would sit, think about what they would really do if they had responsibility over a small tribe of people and then make morally and ethically diverse decisions. Well, no. That doesn’t really happen. What I have experienced (and every other person I know who has played this game) Is that when people have that much power with no one to answer to; is that people are dicks. People are massive knobs. Picture above is a perfect example; that poor little tribe of people being electrocuted by the massive hand of their God. Poor little bastards, probably did nothing to deserve it but never the less, they are being electrocuted. And why? Because they can be. Nothing more, nothing less.
Nearly makes me wish I was 13 again… but no. Better not, eh?
So I just saw a new trailer for Batman: Arkham City and from the looks of it, the bastard might actually be even better than the last one! Other trailers for it have shown that Joker and Harley Quinn make their return but this latest one shows the main villain to be non-other than Hugo Strange, a Batman villain that pre-dates the Joker by a couple of months. Genuinely cannot wait for this baby to come out!
Alright I’v got to start somewhere I suppose so I thought I’d start with a retrospective on one of my favourite games ever. A game that to me, is just a near perfect achievement of stealth, action, FPS and RPG. To be honest you’ve probably guessed already from that combination (and the below picture) that I’m talking about Ion Storms fantastic Deus Ex.
Deus Ex, developed by Ion Storm and published by Eidos Interactive, is truly a work of art. A game that not only is fun and engaging to play, but is filled with philosophical roots that make you question the true nature of man (alright, I might be making this sound like the second coming, but fuck, play the game, see what I mean). In one section, the main character, JC Denton, has a philosophical debate with a beta AI system (originally designed to be in control of all communications on the planet) on whether humanity feels comfortable being under surveillance, or whether we just accept it because we can’t see it. When it was released, this game was just something else; hell, I remember sitting at my neighbours house watching his brother play it (we weren’t allowed to play it in case we overwrote his save games) but it didn’t matter, it was like watching a brilliant film directed by Terry Gilliam.
But this post is called a comedy of errors and while Deus Ex is something… spectacular from a writers (and players) point of view, playing it could sometimes be like watching your greatest plan fall around your ears… then getting shot in the face…
For those who have played the game cast your minds back to the Hong Kong levels (for those that haven’t; seriously, get it, its like less than £5 on steam or something, wtf are you playing at) and the police station that is therein. During your wanderings around Hong Kong, you can gain the keycode to enter the station and subsequently the evidence room (all that delicious ammo, confiscated weaponry, credits ect). Naturally the 1st thing I do is make a beeline for the police station, enter the code and I’m in. Not knowing if there is any police in there, I crouch/peek round a corner and am promptly met with the crotch of a policeman. That’s right; he was just sitting down, next to the door, alarm raised and pepper spray and bullets in my face. Fantastic. Reload and try again.
Alright, so; I now know that there is a guard sat with his eyes trained on the corner, so how do I sort this out. The answer, like to many of life’s questions, is with a cattle prod. I punch in the code, charge round the corner and give that prick 5000 volts worth of ‘fuck you’ in the ear. Guard goes down, alarm is not blearing and I’m happy as Larry. Bit more exploration round the police station and I find the evidence room. I punch in the code and when the door opens I am met with a “Hey, you! You not meant to be in here!”. Brilliant, another guard. ‘Fuck it’ I thought, and unleashed a hail of shotgun shells into the man’s chest. The thing is, this guy had managed to get a few rounds off and had managed to disable my leg. that’s right, my leg. JC is now hobbling around a Chinese evidence room getting blood all over the lovely floor tiles. Nice.
I find what I was looking for and start to make my way back onto the streets, hobbling and bleeding all over the place, only to be met by the wail of the alarm and the sound of troopers everywhere saying things like “He’s not here, keep looking!”. Reluctantly, I climb a ladder and with my silenced pistol, kill a guard running around the roof of the station. Moving slowly, I try to shimmy along a ledge that could be my safe haven. Unfortunately, JC has a load of lead in his right leg, and promptly falls off the ledge, in front of a huge patrolling security-bot.
I’m thinking ‘ohshitohshitohshitohshit’ as I turn tail and run, desperately fumbling for an EMP grenade to chuck behind me, it unleashes its miniguns and as I turn a corner, it disables my other leg and my right arm. Fan-fucking-tastic. JC is now crawling around a Hong Kong Marketplace, beeding out his arse, clutching an EMP grenade as if it was his own child waiting for China’s equivalent to ‘that big fucker from Robocop’ to come stomping round the corner and turn me into a mushy pulp. I throw the EMP like a gimp and it lands about a metre away from me. ‘Fucking brilliant’ I thought, as it goes off and saps away all my bio-energy. Goodbye auto-regeneration… and walking.
Predictably, this metal bastard comes round the corner, but I was ready for it. I had equipped my GEP (guided explosive projectile, i.e. rocket launcher) Gun and had launched a veritable smorgasbord of ‘fuck you’ at the prick. One huge explosion later and the world is minus a robot and I have about 3hp left on my chest and on my head. No arms to speak of and certainly no legs. Continent-hopping super-spy JC Denton had been turned into a torso, but a torso that can wiggle into a small dark hidey hole and wait for the alarm to be over. Once normality had returned to Hong Kong’s main market place, a torso was seen wiggling to the nearest medical bot for some serious re-constructive surgery.
So that’s one, maybe 5 - 10 minute long segment of this game. A simple breaking and entering resulted in going toe to toe with a 6 foot walking minigun and you know what? It’s a fucking joy to play. Planning, watching your plan go to shit and adapting is what this game is all about. And yes, I got torn to shit, pepper sprayed, shot, I fell off a building and EMP’d myself, but fuck: If I reloaded it and did it again, It’d go sideways a different way, and I wouldn’t change what happened for the world.
If you haven’t played Deus Ex; come on, your over 10 years late to the party.
If you have; Its time to re-install!